It feels like my whole world is held together by a tiny thread, and someone is holding scissors to it, threatening my very being with a single move. I look happy, people who see me, believe i am truely happy. But, im not.
I cant count the times i have cried myself to sleep, of pure worry. I worry about everything, I over-annalyse. I stress about school, about family, about relationships. I havent talked to my father in over a month, I was a daddys girl. I wasnt "that girl". the kind of girl who drops her dad over a guy, or because he told me no. I was the favorite. He told me so. I was the one he took to get icecream, or to the mall. Daddys little girl.
Now, all of that is gone. I cant help him. He is a completly different person. He is a poision. I work myself to death trying to please him, all of his children do. I can not understand how a FATHER, someone who is supposed to love his children unconditionaly, can drop me just like that.
Then, There is SCHOOL WORK. I decided not to do honors classes, for fear it would be to difficult. Right now, The lowest grade i have is an 88. and thats because im working my butt OFF. i never have homework, so thats a plus. I do it all in class. When everyone goes to lunch, i go to the library. When everyone has free time at the end of class, i do work. I have no free time. I HAVE TO DO GOOD.
I have recently started going to church. It ROCKS. I am a student of YouthQuake. It is this really awesome youth group. I love church. Im a part of something bigger than myself. I have stopped doing drugs, and drinking. I am straightxedge, which means...no drugs, achohol, or sex.
Its actually pretty hard, easier said than done. But, Chruch is probably the one thing keeping me from depression.
I have Cody. He is the shining light at the end of the tunnel, he makes me smile in the worst of times. He always knows what to say. He is my hero, and i love him dearly for it.

Pretty much, Im scared im going to slip. Im going to mess up.... Im scared.